Dylan Stafford

It’s 7:05AM and Jackson’s still sleeping, so this will be a short blog. Marisa is in Milwaukee today, delivering a Diversity Training. She’ll get home tonight about 10PM.

Things are looking positive for our adoption. There are checks and balances that happen and it appears an important one took place yesterday. Not time to celebrate yet, but cautiously optimistic, chance of sunshine.

In my journal this morning, I opened it up to a fresh page, empty on both sides. On the left hand page I put “Worries” and on the right hand page I put “Wonder.”

I then proceeded to empty all my thoughts on paper, on the left side the doubts and fears and worries and on the right side the amazing possibilities of adopting.

I made a graph on the right side about the next twenty years, showing my age, Jackson’s age and Baby Boy’s age. Marisa’s age was not included, as she’s settled into a holding pattern at 29-in-perpetuity  :-).

The graph looks like this, adjusting for the April birthdays of Jackson and me:

Year           Me          Jackson            Baby Boy
2012          43                 5                       0
2017          48                10                       5
2022          53                15                      10
2027          58                20                     15
2032          63                25                     20

At first I had a heart-attack realizing I’ll be 63 in 20 years–but after that I got excited about the years from 2022 to 2032, having two sons growing from ages from 15 and 10–to 25 and 20–in a decade. That seems like it could be a beautiful epoch for two brothers to share, and their parents.

Wow.

This is an amazing journey, this adoption thing. Nothing’s official. This may not happen. OR. We could be days away from bringing a new child into our family.

The big thing I learned when I first became a parent with Jackson is that I’m not very patient. I’m more patient now, Jackson’s taught me that, but still, this waiting to learn the result with the adoption process is a whole new exercise in patience.

However it goes, it is going to be the way it is supposed to go. <cliché alert> I’m doing my best to be in the moment, to not get attached to any one particular outcome, to trust the process. I feel like I’m going to explode, but in a good way.

I joke with my wife that we have to get “new charts” because being married to her is “off the charts.” I’ve joked about this for years, both because it’s a funny metaphor to me, and because it’s true. The goofy things I thought were important when I was a teenager and in my twenties, the things I thought mattered between a man and a woman, those are not the things I appreciate in being married now.

The teenage thoughts I might have had about an “off the charts” marriage, those were tiny thoughts compared to the real thing.

I love having a partner. I love it that my partner is Marisa. I love it that she was “willing to be willing” to go down this adoption road together. It’s like I can’t believe how fortunate I am to be married, to be married to her. Like who is this amazing person I just happen to have been with for a decade?

When I consulted with Dr. Kerr last week about adopting, Dr. Kerr who was our OBGYN and delivered Jackson, she gave me this perspective about welcoming a second child into your life.

“It’s like the Grinch. Your heart will grow another size. You won’t believe how much love will arise. You’ll be amazed at your wife and she will be amazed at you,” she said.

I’ll take that. If Dr. Seuss says it, it’s gotta be true.