Posted by: Dylan Stafford | April 4, 2012

Our new son is here

We have adopted our new son and we are now the parents of two children.  I am the father of two young boys.

Here is our newest family member, Christian William Winston Stafford.


We received Christian on March 26, 2012. He’s healthy and happy and eating and sleeping and doing everything a newborn should do. He was born March 12, weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces, and was 20 inches long.

Christian we thought was beautiful. William is a family name, well represented in both our families. Winston is John Lennon’s middle name, and I wanted to have a musician connection. My name Dylan is from Dylan Thomas the poet, who then inspired Bob Dylan.

Big brother Jackson is adjusting well and is proud to have a new baby brother.

“Daddy, what happened to his extension cord?” asked Jackson, referring to the umbilical cord as he looked at Christian’s belly button. “When can he ride bikes with me? He’s soft.”

My mom is here from Texas for the first weeks and she is helping us with everything. I took the first four night shifts and I was pretty toasty after that, the sleep depravation adding up. We’re alternating the night shifts now and it’s so much better.

Marisa did 100% of the night shifts last time with Jackson, as she was breast feeding him. She did that while simultaneously recovering from a C-section. I have a new, deeper respect for her now, as I’m doing alternating nights with Christian.

Lots to write about, but for now I wanted to start with the announcement:

Our new son is here! 

He is a blessing, and we are grateful.

Posted by: Dylan Stafford | March 26, 2012

L.A. forecast, Rainy with a chance of Sonny

Today we adopt a baby boy.

We’ve never done that before.

It’s been raining since Saturday night here in Los Angeles, but we’re safe and warm and ready to receive our new son this afternoon.

The weekend was spent washing infant clothes, assembling a crib (twice, at first in our bedroom, and then a second time in the spare room, in the photo above), sterilizing bottles, arranging playdates for soon-to-be-big-brother Jackson, and having lots of phone calls with family.

My mom is flying from Ft. Worth tomorrow. Marisa’s mom’s already sent us a box of newborn onesies. Our neighbors Harry and Candice are cooking dinner for us for tonight. Our friend Jen is picking up Jackson from daycare this afternoon. Herby is on-call to help. The cavalary is coming!

We still haven’t chosen the name. We’re leaning towards Christian William _______ Stafford. We have a few hours until we have to decide. I just had a great talk with my sister Lisa, in Texas, who knows everything about music, for a musician’s name.

We gave three names to Jackson, Paul Jackson Bonaventure, and I don’t want baby boy to have fewer names than his big brother.

This is fun. It’s the second half of our life.

My friend Adrienne told me that “Children are the universe’s vote that life should go on.” I like that.

I also like what Marisa’s uncle Jeff asked us when Jackson was born, “Why do you think he chose you?” That’s the metaphor I’m getting the most nurturance from, that this baby chose us.

I’m going to take Jackson to school this morning and then go to Target to get a new carseat. We have a carseat, but the adoption rule is that we need a carseat that is less than two years old.

I’ve got the cameras all charged up. We have a diaper bag ready to go.

All weekend long we were opening boxes and bags with the clothes and toys and equipment from Jackson’s infancy. Lots of memories in every box. Amazing how fast it went.

Getting ready for the graveyard shift of bottle feeding. We’ve got a boppy pillow. We have a changing table next to the crib. We have a rocking chair that Marisa’s brother Chris gave us as a gift before Jackson arrived.

I’ve said a lot of prayers for our birth mother. The connection we have is unique. The adoption agency gave us a poem in our very first orientation. I’m going to copy the poem now, because it says things that we’re feeling today better than I can. Thanks for the love and prayers. It takes a village to raise a child.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call mother.

One gave you a nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of talent
The other gave you an aim.

Two very different lives
Shaped yours into one
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun.

One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears.

The first gave you life
The second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love
The second was there to give it.

One gave you up
It was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child
God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me through the tears,
The age old question throughout the years;
Heredity or Environment, which are you a product of?
Neither darling, neither…
just two different types of Love.

-Anonymous

Thank you for choosing us little baby boy.

Posted by: Dylan Stafford | March 21, 2012

Baby Boy 2

It’s 7:05AM and Jackson’s still sleeping, so this will be a short blog. Marisa is in Milwaukee today, delivering a Diversity Training. She’ll get home tonight about 10PM.

Things are looking positive for our adoption. There are checks and balances that happen and it appears an important one took place yesterday. Not time to celebrate yet, but cautiously optimistic, chance of sunshine.

In my journal this morning, I opened it up to a fresh page, empty on both sides. On the left hand page I put “Worries” and on the right hand page I put “Wonder.”

I then proceeded to empty all my thoughts on paper, on the left side the doubts and fears and worries and on the right side the amazing possibilities of adopting.

I made a graph on the right side about the next twenty years, showing my age, Jackson’s age and Baby Boy’s age. Marisa’s age was not included, as she’s settled into a holding pattern at 29-in-perpetuity  :-).

The graph looks like this, adjusting for the April birthdays of Jackson and me:

Year           Me          Jackson            Baby Boy
2012          43                 5                       0
2017          48                10                       5
2022          53                15                      10
2027          58                20                     15
2032          63                25                     20

At first I had a heart-attack realizing I’ll be 63 in 20 years–but after that I got excited about the years from 2022 to 2032, having two sons growing from ages from 15 and 10–to 25 and 20–in a decade. That seems like it could be a beautiful epoch for two brothers to share, and their parents.

Wow.

This is an amazing journey, this adoption thing. Nothing’s official. This may not happen. OR. We could be days away from bringing a new child into our family.

The big thing I learned when I first became a parent with Jackson is that I’m not very patient. I’m more patient now, Jackson’s taught me that, but still, this waiting to learn the result with the adoption process is a whole new exercise in patience.

However it goes, it is going to be the way it is supposed to go. <cliché alert> I’m doing my best to be in the moment, to not get attached to any one particular outcome, to trust the process. I feel like I’m going to explode, but in a good way.

I joke with my wife that we have to get “new charts” because being married to her is “off the charts.” I’ve joked about this for years, both because it’s a funny metaphor to me, and because it’s true. The goofy things I thought were important when I was a teenager and in my twenties, the things I thought mattered between a man and a woman, those are not the things I appreciate in being married now.

The teenage thoughts I might have had about an “off the charts” marriage, those were tiny thoughts compared to the real thing.

I love having a partner. I love it that my partner is Marisa. I love it that she was “willing to be willing” to go down this adoption road together. It’s like I can’t believe how fortunate I am to be married, to be married to her. Like who is this amazing person I just happen to have been with for a decade?

When I consulted with Dr. Kerr last week about adopting, Dr. Kerr who was our OBGYN and delivered Jackson, she gave me this perspective about welcoming a second child into your life.

“It’s like the Grinch. Your heart will grow another size. You won’t believe how much love will arise. You’ll be amazed at your wife and she will be amazed at you,” she said.

I’ll take that. If Dr. Seuss says it, it’s gotta be true.

 

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